If It Needs Saying At All

I have a deep fascination for intelligent people. I just love to listen to them talk about things I’d never, in a million years, learn from school. I have this scene in my head where I’m sitting on the rocks at the base of a cliff, the salty ocean breeze  in my hair, and the smell, *Mhm* it’s good. I’m listening to this guy talk passionately of things I never would’ve given two cents about if it  hadn’t been for him bringing them up. It’s dreamy.

See, I’m more of a listener than a talker. I’m the quiet observer abaft the room, just taking in all the buzz in the surroundings. There are a lot of things I love most about being the listener. One, it allows you to gather various information and views from both sides of the coin, so it helps you keep an open mind on things. Two, you get exclusive access into the personal views and background of the speaker, thereby knowing more about your friends beyond the physique. Three, it’s one of the most important things in being a friend.. to just be there for someone and listen to her and be a shoulder to cry on. Sometimes, we need just that instead of having someone telling you ‘I told you so’ every fifteen minutes or something.

The thing is, with `chonchon, it’s a whole ‘nother story. I’m the talker now. So much so. And I’m not exactly enthused about it. It’s just that I feel I’m almost inclined to do all the talking because if I don’t, there wouldn’t be any of that at all. And as I’m sure you know right now, an open communication is the key to a healthy relationship. Lately, Im getting more and more annoyed with the little effort he’s giving in terms of just that — communication. It doesn’t help that we don’t see each other on a daily basis as well. And when I’m talking about something to him, kind of like a conversation starter, all I get is a few ‘awws’ and ‘aahs’ and ‘hehehes’. He doesn’t seem to know how to pick up the conversation from a certain point. Do I have to send signs/signals every single time to let him know how I feel? We’ve been together for more than a year now but we still can’t seem to see each other on the same wavelength. It’s like, we know so little about each other after what seemed like our whole childhood of being together (because before this school year we used to be together almost everyday). It just gets to my nerves how I can have entertaining, heartwarming, and engaging conversations with other people (even on YM) and not with what, the only most important person in the world to me. It’s killing me.

*Sometimes I wish you’d really talk to me because when you don’t, I feel like you don’t care enough to want to try.